The Power of the Pause
By Chris Scott
Chris Scott is a corporate executive and development coach who empowers curious humans to break free from limiting beliefs and write their authentic stories through the REAL framework (Recognize, Explore, Adapt, Live). Learn more on his website, CTS Conscious Coaching.
As a seasoned business executive and development coach, I've discovered that the key to lasting and meaningful personal change lies not in simply changing our actions, but in reshaping the narratives that drive those actions. This understanding, however, didn't come from years of professional experience alone. It was born from my own journey of growth, crystallizing in a moment of unexpected clarity on a California beach. Let me take you there...
A moment of clarity: The campfire epiphany
As the sun dipped below the ocean, I settled onto a milk crate outside the van my brother and I shared, our temporary home at a bare-bones campsite in Stinson Beach, California. My muscles carried the pleasant fatigue of a day spent surfing and hiking with my sibling, but there was something else stirring within me—a feeling I couldn't quite name.
As I sat watching the flames of our campfire flicker, I found myself reflecting on my life's journey. I began to see my life as a story, one where I had been following predefined scripts rather than writing my own narrative. I realized that these scripts were like restrictive guidebooks I had internalized over the years. Despite the freedom I experienced in this moment, I felt that I had lived most of my life confined within a metaphorical cage of my own making. The bars of this cage were forged by internalized beliefs and societal expectations—limitations, in other words.
In a sense, each of these mental limitations guided my actions over the years, outlining what I was not to do, what I should avoid attempting, and how I ought to live. Avoid risks, murmured one of these beliefs, keeping me from exploring my true passions. Remain within your comfort zone, suggested another, discouraging personal growth and new experiences. Adhere to the traditional route, demanded yet another, steering me away from unconventional paths that might have led to greater fulfillment.
I had accepted these self-imposed limitations as immutable facts, never questioning the predetermined roles they assigned to me. In truth, they were the invisible bars of my cage, restricting my potential and keeping me from authoring my own story. As this realization washed over me, I saw that on the outside of my cage, there was a table with a pen and an array of books each titled Potential, their pages blank and inviting. The path to freedom became clear: all I had to do was reach out, grasp that pen, and begin writing.
The next day, as we broke camp and settled into the four-hour trip home, a new question burned in my mind: How could I not only become the author of my own story, but help others do the same? This question became the driving force behind my approach to coaching and personal growth.
Fast forward five years. I found a way to grasp that pen and rewrite my story. Some parts remained unchanged—my home in the Northeast, my beautiful family, my passion for understanding people, and my role as Head of Employee Insights at a large international company. But a new chapter emerged: coaching curious humans. This calling, which grew from my own transformative journey, has allowed me to help others recognize their stories, explore their potential, and achieve meaningful change.
The insights I gained and the framework I developed, which I'll explore in this essay, have become the foundation of my approach to personal growth and coaching.
The editorial pause: Recognizing your story
The secret to a great story lies in the editing. The author re-examines how they articulated the relationship between the main character, their actions, and the outcome to ensure their overall story is unfolding in the way they intended. Just as great storytelling requires editing, personal growth requires what I call an "editorial pause" or a "sense-making pause."
In my case, that campfire moment was my editorial pause. It allowed me to step back and see that I had been passively living within a narrative of limitations. This realization empowered me to begin actively shaping my story, to start writing the life I truly wanted, and it inspired my goal as a coach: to create these sense-making pauses for my clients. Through moments of reflection, I help clients recognize the limitations of their current stories and guide them towards consciously authoring their next chapter.
Through my own journey, I’ve worked through many such moments of sense-making, with each pause and reflection—whether on a California beach or in a coaching session—contributing to the growth of my potential and my ability to rewrite my life’s narrative.
From ‘caged’ to ‘wild’: Exploring and adapting your REAL narrative
As my journey of self-discovery progressed, I sought a way to understand the path I was on. The answer came unexpectedly through Kelly Wilde Miller, a Creativity Coach and author. She introduced me to the Caged, Feral, Wild framework, which resonated deeply with my experiences. This model not only validated my journey but also provided a language to articulate the growth process I had undergone, from feeling confined by expectations to embracing my authentic self.
In this framework, we all enter this world as our pure, instinctual selves—what Kelly would call the Wild stage. But as we grow, we unknowingly take on the programming of our friends, family, and larger community. Each of us is placed into a cage labeled This is who you are. For years, we may be unaware of this cage and its boundaries.
In my own journey, I recognized that I had entered this world as a wild and pure individual, with a self-led sense of who I was. Over time, I internalized limitations and expectations imposed by my environment. I found myself in a cage, not of my own making, but one constructed by the world I was born into. For years, I was unaware of its invisible bars, accepting them as the natural boundaries of my potential. My personal growth journey started when I became aware of my cage. This awareness marked the transition into what Kelly describes as the Feral stage: I began to rebel against these imposed limitations, running away from the cage I’d accepted for so long. This stage was both exhilarating and terrifying.
Over time, as I did the work required to grow—questioning my beliefs, challenging my assumptions, and gradually rewriting my stories—I began to feel a sense of wholeness. I started to reconnect with that original, instinctual self, feeling a deep connection between my inner world and the world around me. Here, I entered the Wild stage—becoming myself again, this time with consciousness and intention.
Understanding the Cage, Feral, and Wild model enabled me to better understand what chapter I was in my rewilding story. For me, the model worked like a map, highlighting key destinations and waypoints. However, I soon realized that while this map was invaluable, it was not the territory itself. Just as a cartographer's map drawings can't capture the full richness of a landscape, no one approach can fully encompass the complexity of personal growth.
This realization inspired me to create the REAL framework—a practical and collaborative approach to navigating the territory of personal growth. REAL stands for Recognize, Explore, Adapt, and Live, offering a step-by-step process that guided me through my growth journey and now serves as a tool for others.
Let's dive deeper into each step of the REAL framework, exploring both how it guided me through my journey of growth and how it can support you in rewriting your own story.
Recognize the story you are currently living: Just as I had to recognize the invisible bars of my self-imposed cage that night, the first step in our work together is to bring awareness to the stories you're currently living. This stage often aligns with the realization that you're in a “Cage” of limiting beliefs. I remember the moment I recognized my own limiting narrative—the belief that I had to follow a predetermined path. What stories are running in the background of your mind? What invisible cages might be holding you back?
Explore the meaning and assumptions underlying the story: Once I recognized my cage, I had to explore its origins and understand why it felt so confining. This exploration marks the beginning of the “Feral” stage, where we question our inherited beliefs. In our sessions, we dive deep into the roots of your current narrative. Where did these stories come from? What needs or fears are they expressing? This exploration isn't about judgment, but about understanding and acceptance—holding space for your current story while imagining new possibilities.
Adapt your story to align with your life goals: After exploring my limiting beliefs, I began the exhilarating and sometimes terrifying process of adapting my story. This is where we fully embrace the “Feral” stage, rebelling against old limitations and crafting a new narrative. We collaborate to consciously create a story that aligns with your true desires and goals. What new perspective would expand your sense of possibility? What resources can you draw upon to support this shift? This is where the magic happens—where we transform limitation into liberation.
Live out the story you want to create: The final step is to courageously embody your new story, moving towards the “Wild” stage of authentic self-expression. For me, this meant stepping out of my comfort zone and into a new career as a coach. It's about taking concrete steps to live out your adapted narrative, building new habits and routines, and cultivating resilience to navigate challenges. As you start living your new story, you'll begin to see tangible shifts in your mindset, behaviors, and outcomes, fully embracing your “Wild” self.
These shifts don't happen in isolation. They are guided by the REAL framework, which serves as our compass throughout this journey. Together, we can use it to recognize our current stories, explore their underlying assumptions, adapt our narratives to align with our goals, and live out the stories we want to create.
The eternal edit: Living your evolving story
Years have passed since that transformative night on Stinson Beach, and now I find myself before another fire. This time, it's the welcoming firepit on my patio on a cool autumn evening. As I lose myself in the dancing flames of the fire, I reflect on the distance I've traveled since that moment of clarity on the California coast. The REAL framework has become a cornerstone of my personal evolution. I've identified the narratives that once restrained me, dug into their roots, reshaped them to reflect my true goals, and embraced living with authenticity. The once invisible cage has evolved into a springboard for growth and self-discovery.
Sitting here, I have a true sense of thankfulness. I am reminded that our stories are perpetually unfolding. We are eternally in a state of becoming, always able to revise our narratives and broaden our horizons. The transition from Cage to Wild is a continuous journey of evolution and self-realization. Therefore, I offer you an invitation to reflect. Think about your story. Are you the author of your life, or simply performing a role in another's script?
Remember, the pen is in your hand. You have the REAL power to Recognize, Explore, Adapt, and Live the story you're meant to create.
The next chapter awaits. Are you ready to unleash it?